15. Frittatas, Friendship, & Figuring It Out: 'Frances Ha' On Growing Up & Loving Yourself

A love letter from Sanah Tahiliani to "Frances Ha" (2012)

Frances Ha, Mon Amor,

When I first saw you, I thought you were a bit of a mess. I was shocked that a 27 year old didn’t know you’re supposed to cook a frittata in the oven (that’s why yours looked like more of a scramble fyi), and equally perplexed at your rejection of a ‘survival job’ while trying to make it as an artist in New York. But now, when I step off the high horse my younger self used to comfortably sit on, I’ll admit that I admire your refusal to grow up as fast as the world wants you to. And I’ll admit to you and only you, that I, too, understand the feeling of while you’re getting older, feeling less grown-up.

Just like you, I used to be the butt of the “undateable” joke, as I went years without finding myself in a serious relationship. Just like you, I preferred to have sleepovers with my best friends! And believe me I know the feeling of wanting to run outside barefoot on the pavement at the crack of dawn to stop my best friend from running off with the wrong guy, feeling abandoned and like I lost her to him, all while secretly deep-down wondering why I couldn’t have that, too. But I see you, and I recognize the importance of learning to sit in your own discomfort with who you are, and refusing to choose someone who makes you more sad than happy just because it's sometimes easier than being alone.

You showed me that one of the greatest acts of self love is learning to do all the things you want to do, all the things you’ve dreamed of: getting the dream apartment and traveling to Paris, without waiting for someone to do them with.

On some days, self-love is easy and seamlessly incorporated into my day-to-day life whether it’s buying myself a sweet treat on the way home, doing a face mask, making a fancy tea, or standing in the hot shower maybe a little bit longer than I should. Some days it’s more of a conscious effort, like forcing myself out of bed to eat breakfast before work in the thick of the winter seasonal depression, or throwing myself into the shark tank that is New York City for the sake of pursuing my dreams even when it feels like I’m eating rejection for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or just buying myself my favorite flowers despite being minorly sad that the thought didn’t cross someone else’s mind first. And on some days, trying to love myself amidst an intense and admittedly unhealthy attachment to perfection is hard and honestly, lonely.

However, you taught me that there’s much to learn from your own imperfection, and fully embracing self-love is to sit with the discomfort of feeling imperfect, the knowledge that you never will be, and the knowledge that you will always have the privilege of loving you anyway. And for that, I love you- even if you love your phone that has email more than me.

Xx,
Sanah

About Sanah

Sanah Tahiliani is an award-winning actress, director, producer, and writer based out of New York City, who has been named a force to be reckoned with by many of her collaborators. Sanah’s mission as an artist is to engage with and create work which is visually stunning, while intellectually challenging our preconceived notions about life. She strives to initiate essential conversations by interrogating the world we live in, with the belief that honesty and transparency in storytelling will allow us to have empathy for each other’s experiences, which is the catalyst for change we need. Some of her recent and notable work includes Spice (FilmGate Miami), Out of Water (Cannes), and Dance Nation (Atlantic Stage 2).

Sanah is also a pilates and barre class enthusiast, and is currently working towards earning her ACE fitness instructor license!! Lastly, she has a personal vendetta against anyone and everyone who fails to use the oxford comma.